I'm in  now. but it didnt go well as I expected originally. I had thought if I were out, the outside factors would exercise me more, to be independent, but how did my sister think about me? Study outside is just making me be independent, not draging me into radical and selfish. and do you know what I connect with, it's not my fault,okay, it's my instinct to make me think more, which will contribute to be radical. I aint willing to.

    I have no belief. Whatever Buddhism, or even Jesus Christ. But when got low, I'm always thinking of God unknowningly, here's a mini-Bible at hand in my wardrobe, then came the peace. That's quite amazing. The premise is that a  coincidence, showing nothing.

    Now I'm sitting on the chair like a frog, but i'm not gonna stretch out my tongue to eat mosquitos. Joking~~

    I feel down, deeper. It didnt grow smoothly as I thought. Home should be a place, which is full of warmth and concerns that exists in everbody's concept, it do ingrain; but it doesnt work as that on me. As if everbody in wants to regulate my behaviors, I mean they must think what I did were totally wrong. I hate this kind of feeling.( Please allow me chinglish sometimes). I just wanna complain such a bad feeling, cuz' i never have had before. Somehow it even beyond your comprehension, it got more fierce. I feel tired. I need support and fair, and also warmth.

    That place, my home, makes me constrained and unease. But what eventually makes back, is guilty and resposibility. I'm lost in the contradictory. I wish I could life alone like a zebra, freely running in the wild, without control. I need quiet, paradox drives me crazy.

 

 

    Maybe I will try another approach, before I got through, and well handled with my mood.

    Any idea will be expected.

 

 

 

    Low spirit.

 

 

    Last night, when the thin guy pointed to the 12 o' clock, i'm still awake.

    Ever promised someone, but i'm broken up again.

    Sorry.